


There Was A Man I Loved

by creaniall



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Coming Out, Cuddling, F/M, Healthy Relationships, Kissing, M/M, Peggy understands and supports her boyfriend´s sexuality, Steve talks about his past relationship with Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 17:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18642871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creaniall/pseuds/creaniall
Summary: A few months after Steve returned to Peggy, he talks about Tony Stark, the man he loved, the man who gave him a reason to live in this strange, confusing future.





	There Was A Man I Loved

**Author's Note:**

> Again, English is not my native language, so please tell me about any mistakes I made.

Peggy didn´t question it when Steve suddenly and quietly returned. One evening he appeared on her front porch in a futuristic looking suit and his shield. They had danced every night since that. Peggy didn´t ask any questions and Steve didn´t tell her anything about his whereabouts for months. 

She knew he carried secrets he probably would never talk about. She could feel the weight of a thousand fights on his shoulders. But underneath all this pain, all those scars, all those strange words he now used, he was still Steven Rogers, the man she fell in love with during the war. 

He was still kind and gentle, never using his strength against anyone who didn´t deserve it. He never lashed out even when the trauma and the memories turned his mind into a dark place.  
Peggy never pressed it. She was sure that Steve would eventually trust her enough to tell her about his adventures. 

When he took her to bed, he was always caring. But she knew he had gained some experience. Steve was not the stuttering boy who quietly told her about all the times he got beaten up in dark alleyways anymore. He now held himself with more pride and confidence. His kisses were hot, his breath coming out unevenly. 

He held her in his arms afterwards, tracing her spine with his thumb. Peggy´s head rested against his chest. She heard how his breath suddenly changed while he was preparing to speak about whatever memories were haunting him this night. Sometimes it felt like Steve wanted to tell her, but he would always lose his courage a second before he could bring himself to speak. But this night, this cold, windy night, when nothing existed but them, he finally spoke. 

“There was a man I loved.” His voice was quiet, his words almost getting lost in the dark bedroom. But Peggy was listening to every word like it was a prophecy. 

She responded with a tiny nod. As if Steve could have hidden his secret lust for Bucky during the war. He never acted on it, though, so Peggy never asked. She knew to well how brutal the world was towards people like Steve. She didn´t doubt his love or attraction towards herself. She wasn´t even worried that maybe she would not be enough for him. She just didn´t want Steve to hate himself for something he could not control. 

“He had a kind and brave soul, but he came from a dark place so he never showed it on the outside”, Steve continued quietly. “And he was the most loving man on the inside. He built the suit that brought me here.”

“Where did you come from?”, Peggy asked looking up to meet his eyes. “You never told me.”

“The future”, he whispered. “I woke up seventy years after I went into the ice but I eventually found my way back. I fought monsters from strange planets, I have met a man who could summon lightning and thunder from his fingertips, I have kissed a man who used an iron suit to fly to space.”

“What was his name?” She caressed his cheek with her thumb. She could only guess how hard it was to share this with her, so she wanted to make him feel safe the same way she felt safe with him.

“Tony.” 

The name was spoken so tenderly that Peggy could almost imagine all the love Steve must have felt for this man she would never meet. 

“Did he love you?” She wished for Steve to have been loved in this strange future where Up was Down. She wouldn´t have wanted for him to feel lost and alone. 

“I think so”, he sighed. “Love between two men or two women is not a big problem in the future. They call themselves LGBT+ and they are allowed to love openly and freely, at least in New York. There are even parades to celebrate this love. I was not ashamed to love this man on these days.”

“I don´t think you should ever be ashamed of love.” Peggy kissed his cheek, feeling the stubble under her lips. “What happened to him? Why didn´t you stay with him in the future?”

He sighed, his eyes falling shut. 

“We fought a lot. There were problems we could not overcome, so eventually we broke up and almost killed each other while fighting for what we thought was the right way. I hurt him, Peggy. I hurt him so much that I can never forgive myself what I did to him.” He had stopped petting her, completely lost in his memories. “But I loved him with every inch of my being. I just couldn´t make it work. I couldn´t make us work.”

Even though she should be relieved about that, Peggy felt sorry for Steve. Remembering the pain that seemed so overwhelming when her own fiance died during the war, she snuggled closer, wanting to hold him. 

“After we broke up, he found himself a loving wife. They had a child I only ever met once. He was so happy I couldn´t help but be happy, too”, Steve continued. His voice sounded calmer now, knowing that Peggy didn´t judge him for his attraction. 

She knew that this man, Tony, must be dead now. If he lived, Steve wouldn´t be telling her his story, that she was sure of. 

“He died a hero. He saved me, the world, the entire universe. He was too good for his own sake, so he gave up his family and his life to save others. If I could be half the man he was, I will be very proud of myself.”

Silence filled the room. Peggy listened to Steve´s breathing, but he didn´t cry. Not the way he cried when Bucky fell from that train. Maybe Steve had already said his future former lover goodbye. 

“Do you miss him?”, she asked, careful not to sound jealous, because she wasn´t. 

“No. I just wanted him to finally be happy. It would have been better for him if I had never been a part of his life.” He pushed up on his elbows to look at her. “Do you think I´m weird?”

“Apart from being able to punch through a tank?”, she grinned, making him smile in return. “No, I don´t. I don´t doubt your love for me. But if you ever decide that you´d rather be with a man instead, I just ask you to be careful.”

“I don´t want to be with a man. I want to be with you.” Gently, he kissed her forehead, wrapping his strong arms around her waist. “I have waited for so long to return to you.”

“I know”, she whispered, sitting up on his lap, so that their lips could meet. “I love you, Steve.”

“I love you, too, Pegs.”


End file.
